“When your work is so intense because of the security situation and you give everything, you burn out”: how a retreat helped Larysa take care of herself

Photo: from Larysa's personal archive

“This programme was fully tailored to us. The retreat helped me, at a peak moment, to pause and focus only on myself,” says Larysa Kondratenko, coordinator of girls’ clubs at NGO “Centre for Euroinitiatives” in Sumy, speaking about the importance of support for women working in civil society.

Working with girls in a frontline area

Larysa Kondratenko was born in Sumy, a city located 20 km from the border with Russia, and has lived there all her life. She has worked at the NGO “Centre for Euroinitiatives” since 2008. At the beginning, the organization focused on international projects, and later began actively working with young people. After the beginning of Russia’s full-scale invasion of Ukraine, its priority shifted to supporting residents of Sumy and Sumy region.

In 2023, the organization opened clubs for girls aged 12-18, aimed at preventing gender-based violence and promoting gender equality. They started with 13 spaces in Sumy region and now there are 47 clubs operating in Sumy and Kharkiv regions. Larysa leads the work of these clubs, as well as managing international activities and coordinating a Council of Europe project on countering hate speech. She explains why the clubs’ work to prevent gender-based violence is so important:

“The clubs meet offline. A club facilitator is something in between an adult woman and a friend. She is the person girls can come to and be sure they will get an answer. In regions where hostilities are taking place, girls’ rights are violated more often. It is our priority to help them so that they have support, a reliable shoulder in the form of our organization.”

When work is a way to stay afloat, but the price is high

At the beginning of the full-scale invasion, Larysa had to leave her hometown because of the danger, but she returned two months later. “This is my place of strength, I feel my roots here. Every street, every tree I see here, I know from childhood. That is why I have chosen to stay here and work,” she says.

Larysa describes a typical working day like this: her morning starts with breakfast, then she makes herself walk three kilometres to work through a park area. This is the time when she can reflect, plan and calm down.

“My morning starts with a long to-do list, and I don’t know what the day will bring. Then come meetings, one-on-one and with facilitators, consultations, planning. The workday can last until 5 pm. Then I walk home again, to weigh up what happened during the day. After dinner I sit down to work again. And this can go on until midnight,” she explains.

Such an intense workload has its price:

“It is very exhausting. Your brain does not rest, and it is very difficult to stop your thoughts. Even when I put my phone aside, lie down and close my eyes, numbers, faces, fragments of events reappear in my mind, followed by anxiety and fear.”

Larysa explains that working in a frontline area is a double burden, because you are constantly thinking: will something hit here or not, is it safe or unsafe. Even during this interview she was sitting in the office kitchen, because it was not very safe to stay upstairs in her office, you could hear drones flying in the sky. She has to focus both on her work and on what is happening outside the window.

Larysa shares that during the first year of the war in Ukraine she did not take care of her own psychological well-being at all. She felt it was “not the right time” and that others needed her help more. But when the psychological strain became very serious and she could no longer function, she realized that breaks were essential.

Work trips within international projects help her to decompress. She also says she loves water and travelling to places where she can be near it: “The first time I left and could finally stop hearing explosions, I just sat there for at least two hours and stared at the water. I was silent and just looked. This is one of my ways to unload, to not move, to be silent, to do what I enjoy.”

A retreat as a chance to pause

Larysa found out about the retreat, organized by NGO “Girls” in partnership with UN Women Ukraine, through social media. She had known about the work of NGO “Girls” for a long time, so she was very eager to join. The retreat was made possible with the financial support of the Governments of Sweden, Denmark and Latvia, the UN Women National Committees and the UN Women Emergency Funding Mechanism (EFM).

The retreat lasted four days in Lviv region. Representatives of seven civil society organizations took part. Participants were selected from women’s rights organizations and women-led CSOs working in Sumy. The programme focused on restoring participants’ strength and providing psychosocial support. The idea of holding the retreat emerged in response to the need of women professionals in civil society to have a safe space for rest, processing their experiences and restoring their inner resources. Constant involvement in supporting others, especially in the context of war in Ukraine, often leads to burnout. Such activities help people regain their inner balance.

“At first, I could not even imagine that such a small number of days would be enough to reset me. When I asked about the programme of the retreat, the organizers wrote that all the details would be decided on site. I started to worry, thinking: ‘How is it possible that there is no programme?’ But then I understood that this programme was fully tailored to us. First they met with us and discussed everything. And only then did they adjust what we needed, meetings and workshops,” Larysa recalls.

She emphasizes that the retreat helped her, at a peak moment, to pause and focus only on herself, to remember that she herself might need help. It is hard for Larysa to single out what she liked the most:

“I cannot say which part I liked the most. Each element contributed to the overall picture. I can say that I liked everything in the programme, from making bracelets, to the very pleasant voices of the psychologists, to the venue itself. You have to look at it as a complete programme and a full picture.”

Beyond the retreat, ongoing psychological support

An important part of the project was the psychological counselling that NGO “Girls” organized after the retreat to help sustain its results. At first Larysa did not plan to take part, but when she saw an invitation to a group session, she realised she really needed it. After the first session, she decided to continue working with the psychologist and signed up for individual counselling. For a month, she regularly met with the specialist, even finding time for sessions during a work trip abroad.

“The psychologist really surprised me, because she remembered everything I had shared about myself at the retreat. She noticed my thoughts, reactions and movements. And when we started working individually, it turned out that she had already analysed the information about me,” says Larysa.

It was during the retreat that the level of trust in the psychologists emerged which allowed Larysa to open up and accept help. She saw their work, felt the sincerity of their approach, and this became the foundation for further therapy.

Larysa is convinced that retreats for women working in civil society in frontline regions are not a luxury but a necessity.

“Our work is extremely intense because of the security situation. We are the people society needs, and we are constantly giving. And when you give everything, you simply burn out. There is nothing left inside. That is why initiatives like retreats are so important, when you can pause and recharge your batteries a little.”

What the world should know about civil society in Ukraine

Talking about her work, Larysa emphasizes the unique role of civil society in Ukraine:

“Our civil society sector is one of the most important. We do not work just for the sake of having a job. We work to address the challenges and needs that exist in society. It is civil society organizations that respond to these needs.”

She stresses the wide range of areas they work in, from gender equality and violence prevention to human rights protection, educational and training initiatives, humanitarian assistance and more. “Civil society addresses what people really need, whether they are young people, girls, women, veterans, or anyone in our community,” Larysa says.

Despite all the challenges, the fear caused by the security situation and the exhaustion, Larysa continues her work. Because for her it is not just a job, it is her mission, her way to stay strong and to support those who need it most in the most difficult circumstances.

This publication was prepared within the framework of the project “Enhancing the safety, security and mental health of women and girls, and ensuring their rights”, implemented by UN Women Ukraine in partnership with NGO “Girls”.

The project is financially supported by the governments of Sweden, Denmark and Latvia, as well as UN Women National Committees. In addition, the project receives support from UN Women through the Emergency Funding Mechanism (EFM), a flexible, revolving fund whose resources can be rapidly channelled to respond to emergencies or spikes in protracted crises.

The views and opinions expressed in this material are those of the women featured and do not necessarily reflect the views of UN Women, partner organizations or donors that support the project.