“I know that my husband is alive, and we will definitely meet again”: the story of Viktoriia, who sought psychological support after learning about her husband’s captivity

Viktoriia with her children at the closing of the “Unbreakable Mom” program. Photo: Yuliia Pletinka / NGO “Masha Foundation”.

“I know how to survive. I’m used to coping with difficulties,” says Viktoriia Okorokova from Kryvyi Rih.

Viktoriia is a mother of two and a law enforcement officer. After the start of Russia’s full-scale invasion of Ukraine, she went through news of her husband going missing, and later his captivity, a long period of uncertainty, working during the war, and the need to stay strong every day for her children. 

She joined the psycho-emotional stabilization program for women and their children affected by war, “Unbreakable Mom.” The program is implemented by the NGO “Masha Foundation” with technical support from UN Women Ukraine and funding from the United Nations Women’s Peace and Humanitarian Fund (WPHF). As part of the program, Viktoriia received psychological support and shared her experience. Here is her story. 

Life before the full-scale invasion  

At 16, Viktoriia met her first husband and later gave birth to a son. Even then, much of the responsibility for the family fell on her: her husband abused drugs, and Viktoriia tried to take care of the child, work, and support the family on her own. 

When her son was four, she left her husband and started life over. Over time, Viktoriia managed to buy her own home, although the apartment needed repairs. 

“I bought the apartment in a terrible condition — just what I could afford. I did the repairs myself. I was thinking who to ask to install sockets, and I remembered a guy from the same group where I had met my ex-husband years ago. That guy always protected me and tried to ‘talk sense’ into my ex,” she recalls. 

He helped her with the repairs without unnecessary words. Gradually, their relationship began, and later they got married — without ceremonies, in a small circle. 

Her husband’s disappearance and captivity

At the beginning of the full-scale invasion, Viktoriia found out she was pregnant. Despite this, she continued working as a law enforcement officer, going to sites of shelling and working with cases involving the deceased.

One day, a missile hit the building where she worked. She suffered a concussion. That was when her husband said: if he received a draft notice, he would go to serve. Soon, that is exactly what happened. During document reprocessing, her husband temporarily lost his draft deferment. On the same day, he received a conscription notice and joint the military.

After training, he was sent on a combat mission. He returned from the first mission, but not from the second. At first, Viktoriia was told that her husband was missing in action. Later, she heard that his unit had been shot.

“I lived with the thought that my husband had been killed,” she recalls.

Later, a soldier released from captivity reported that Viktoriia’s husband had survived his injuries and had been taken prisoner. 

Seeking psychological support

For a long time, Viktoriia lived under constant stress: waiting for news about her husband, continuing to work, and taking care of her children at the same time. Eventually, it began to affect her health. Her physical condition worsened, and a doctor advised her to see a psychotherapist to better understand the cause of her symptoms.

It was then that Viktoriia learned about the psycho-emotional stabilization program for women and their children affected by war, “Unbreakable Mom.”

“I saw an announcement on a Telegram channel and thought: what if they can help me here? I filled out the application, and a few months later they called me. I decided I would go no matter what, because I need to raise my children and wait for my husband,” she recalls.

Working with psychologists in the program helped Viktoriia better understand her condition and how her experience affected her not only emotionally but also physically.

“I didn’t allow myself to grieve. I didn’t allow myself to go through all those terrible moments that were happening to my family. I ‘swallowed’ this news, blocked it, and it tried to come out through physical pain. Psychosomatically,” she explains.

Together with a psychologist, Viktoriia is gradually learning to live through this pain and pay more attention to herself. She says she had always put herself last.

“I didn’t care how I felt until it got so bad that an ambulance had to take me away. In all of this, I lost myself. And now I’m getting to know myself again,” she says.

Today, she continues to wait for her husband while also paying more attention to her own condition and recovery.

“I know that my husband is alive. I know that we will definitely meet again. We just have to wait. And I will wait. But now with care for myself,” Viktoriia says. 

The “Unbreakable Mom” project is implemented by the NGO “Masha Foundation” funded by The United Nations Women’s Peace and Humanitarian Fund (WPHF) with technical support of UN Women Ukraine. The United Nations Women’s Peace and Humanitarian Fund (WPHF) mobilizes critical support for local and grassroots civil society organizations working on women, peace and security and humanitarian action. WPHF is a flexible and rapid financing mechanism supporting quality interventions designed to enhance the capacity of women to prevent conflict, respond to crises and emergencies, and seize key peacebuilding opportunities.

This publication is produced with funding from the United Nations Women's Peace and Humanitarian Fund (WPHF), however, the views expressed and content included does not imply official endorsement or acceptance by the United Nations.